cover me
today's another perfect day wasted, well not entirely, but almost.
at least i sorted out what i'm going to do over the next 3 weeks. one thing on my mind now, to go or not to go for youth retreat. well whether it would jeapordize my study time is one thing, because i actually think it'll be better for my studies since i won't be distracted by the computer. it's something else. well i guess i always shirk resposibility or avoid the problem when it gets too intense, whether it's with work or emotions. and that's problematic itself.
i read a letter on sunday, yesterday. and i realised i have been quite selfish. i want to tell you the truth but i haven't quite mustered the courage to. my first instinctive move was to avoid it totally, and what a jerk i realised i was. it didn't quite work the way i thought it would end up because i forgot that i'm not the only human being involved. i put myself in your shoe and i think i was overboard and you probably thought i was going through a crisis or something, but the truth is i'm not. and now, i'm going to stop being selfish and try to mend what has broken, in a non-cowardice way.
a moment ago, i was about to send kwan an sms to tell him that i wanted to go for retreat. then, i thought of the circumstances and situation and i hesitated. promptly followed by clearing the message and telling superrecaller i hesitated. oh my.
---
last week, i was talking to longlong (haha, or loooooooooong) about crushes and relationships. haha, and it's quite obvious someone is madly infatuated. i can remember the last time i was madly infatuated, and i don't want to talk about it hah. i don't know why, i used to want so much to be in a relationship. like its quite cool to have another half, and the status of being attached is so prestigious in a way. well at least that was what i thought. right now, i'm not so sure anymore. theres just so much more to a relationship, and i don't want to rush right into one. ya there you go, my take.
talking to chloe just now made me realise i'm heading into oblivion with my relationship with ____. i don't know i think i'm just not ready. and obviously laziness and indifference is such an irritant with respect to this :/ at least i know one thing now, there are people i can confide in. actually i always had, it was always a question of whether i wanted to open up anot. and sometimes it really is hard to tell someone about your problems, because being vulnerable is so not easy.
anyway, according to superrecaller i need to find drive in life. like something that will keep me going everytime i think of it. yea i need that really, i just need to discover what and who. no doubt thats going to take some brainstorming.
to go or not?
at least i sorted out what i'm going to do over the next 3 weeks. one thing on my mind now, to go or not to go for youth retreat. well whether it would jeapordize my study time is one thing, because i actually think it'll be better for my studies since i won't be distracted by the computer. it's something else. well i guess i always shirk resposibility or avoid the problem when it gets too intense, whether it's with work or emotions. and that's problematic itself.
i read a letter on sunday, yesterday. and i realised i have been quite selfish. i want to tell you the truth but i haven't quite mustered the courage to. my first instinctive move was to avoid it totally, and what a jerk i realised i was. it didn't quite work the way i thought it would end up because i forgot that i'm not the only human being involved. i put myself in your shoe and i think i was overboard and you probably thought i was going through a crisis or something, but the truth is i'm not. and now, i'm going to stop being selfish and try to mend what has broken, in a non-cowardice way.
a moment ago, i was about to send kwan an sms to tell him that i wanted to go for retreat. then, i thought of the circumstances and situation and i hesitated. promptly followed by clearing the message and telling superrecaller i hesitated. oh my.
---
last week, i was talking to longlong (haha, or loooooooooong) about crushes and relationships. haha, and it's quite obvious someone is madly infatuated. i can remember the last time i was madly infatuated, and i don't want to talk about it hah. i don't know why, i used to want so much to be in a relationship. like its quite cool to have another half, and the status of being attached is so prestigious in a way. well at least that was what i thought. right now, i'm not so sure anymore. theres just so much more to a relationship, and i don't want to rush right into one. ya there you go, my take.
talking to chloe just now made me realise i'm heading into oblivion with my relationship with ____. i don't know i think i'm just not ready. and obviously laziness and indifference is such an irritant with respect to this :/ at least i know one thing now, there are people i can confide in. actually i always had, it was always a question of whether i wanted to open up anot. and sometimes it really is hard to tell someone about your problems, because being vulnerable is so not easy.
anyway, according to superrecaller i need to find drive in life. like something that will keep me going everytime i think of it. yea i need that really, i just need to discover what and who. no doubt thats going to take some brainstorming.
to go or not?
posted by John at
11:27 PM
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