i think i've cooled down. i vaguely recall the dozen times i've screamed and exploded. gosh its been two months since i last blogged. now looking at it, two months [written down] isn't such a long haul. however, this past two months seem like ages. as in seriosly looong. why is it only term two and not 2008?

since i turned into a post-secondary student, i have found myself to be constantly plagued by thoughts of why this and not that and why me. i think i've spent hours thinking when work could be done. W=Fs, now that i reflect on it thinking didn't get me anywhere because i scarcely move. not to mention thinking requires effort that can only be recuperated by sleeping. is this a phase in my life likened to puberty where darn lots of naive and so immature thoughts flood the mind? if there was a term for this i'd call it the pre-adulthood blues. gosh, the life of an adult is so complex, whereas being a student there are so many fixed factors and oh so little variables. maybe thats why i didn't think so much before..

i can't remember exactly when it started, but blasting heavy stuff within the confines of my room has become a routine. i think two months ago would be a safe guess. i have been finding peace through the sophisticated syncopation and loudness of various death tunes. on hindsight, that was the only way i could have stopped thinking so much. i didn't enjoy the music so much as the lyrics or the contents, it was more for the passive ability to barricade all thoughts. what i need now is motivation and super strong coffee. i would only be slack if i feel like sleeping all the time. i still can't understand how some people can wake up at four in the morning sleep at ten at night and still feel energetic the whole duration between!

life is unpredictable. cliche yes but i have to mention it nonetheless. one minute someone's your best of pals, another later he hates you to the core. all my years, i've been trained passively to avoid being hated somehow. i've never had someone detest me so much, i'm trying to recall ever having an enemy yet alone an arch-one. gosh, that guy is so inexplainable i don't know whether his mind is too dense or too shallow. gaaaaaa, sometimes i wish i could hit him so hard on the head so that he'd become normal like everyone else. talking to him is like lighting a match near flammable gas. i don't usually like to hate talk someone but i'm really frustrated and bewildered by his simple/complex?! mind. someone please lend me a knife..

grrh. i have to go maybe i'd blog somemore tomorrow.