it seems everything in life is going against me at the moment.

to start things off, the slackest guy on earth got the most enthusiastic ee teacher on earth for his extended essay. ee has been my primary concern since christmas and it still is. you know it's not easy to come up with a four thousand word essay when i haven't touched a book since the final exams last year. and it's not like i have been totally bumming around. i have dedicated time to do ee, it's just that every time i sit down at the comp, i feel so stuck and clueless i never actually put pen on paper. i have no idea why i have this respecting fear for my ee teacher, it's like i don't want to disappoint her and also not want to get scolded. she is so serious about her work.

other than ee, i still have tok essay, tok presentation, chem ia, econs ia to complete. but i kinda resolved to finish ee first then worry about the rest. ib sucks.

school's not the only problem. i have been feeling really lethargic lately, my ability to stay awake all night has somehow diminished. that doesn't help my ee at all. just last night i nearly collapsed in front of my comp, i really would have just died there so i switched off the comp and went to sleep. i have to mention i slept through the whole hour of econs today.

mind over matter. how true is that. i am so distracted these days, just by mere thought. and recently there have been so many things to think about. the things revolving around me have been numerous. and because of that, i have trouble at night. most times i find it so easy to doze off and nap, yet it seems the hardest place to fall asleep is in bed at night. my eyes may be closed but it's a mess up there, i try my best to fall asleep by shutting out all thoughts, but they always seem to find a way to trickle back into my mind against my will. it gets so irritating i blame the plastic rotation of fan blades and even tossing and turning around doesn't help. you know, i may look spaced out, but seriously i am very aware. yet at the same time, i'm trying very hard to be this super nice guy who doesn't feel sad and make people feel sad. i never wanted to hurt anyone, and i won't, to the best of my abilities. i ever asked myself, why do i think so much? if only i were dimwitted or something, maybe i won't have issues then. i need a blessing in disguise.

i fought You for so long
i should have let You in
oh how we regret those things we do
and all i was trying to do was save my own skin
but so were You

so were You