i feel helpless.

am i just going to stay and watch, when watching seems to be the hardest thing on earth. i can't do anything. and my eyes, sore from tearing. i haven't teared in a long time, and so much at once. why, why is this happening? i just cannot place the idea of being left so early in my life, so early, i am still but nineteen.

now all my achievements seem like nothing, i would willingly trade everything away. just so that i can help.

i want to be holy again, maybe that will help. my sins are catching up to me, someone else is paying for them. are you listening to my pleas?

in days my life will crumble, and i'm putting on a false front. that will soon crumble too. i tried to enjoy today, but it failed. i'm sick, in many ways.