psalms16:8&9

the 12 hours time lag is a funny thing. it's like parallel worlds running simultaneously but in different time frames, which is precisely what it is. but i can't explain this fascination i feel. day in day out i wake up in the morning and then people halfway across the world get ready to tuck into bed. when i go through my afternoon's activities, they are soundly asleep dreaming great dreams. i knock off, they get up, and when i sleep their day has barely begun. it's just an amusing novelty of a thought. you should think of it too, and be enthralled, especially if you personally know someone who's living 12 hours behind you!

today

was pretty much the same as every other day. BUT, i am finally freed from a lurking uncertainty over my new near future.

i was just looking through the unsw undergrad entry requirements for IB students. 28 points for bachelors of engineering! i don't know what to feel. for one, i know i can get a spot in any of the coveted uk universities, but here i am settling for the 5th best university in australia. that makes me bitter, like i'm being deprived of what my merit deserves. not to mention, i did apply to anu earlier this year and i got a place for double bachelors in econs and finance for july 09. although i try not to feel this way, it just is. in the end, i tell myself, a scholarship is a scholarship. whatever the nature of the scholarship may be. my dad encourages it, and rightly so. a scholarship alleviates whatever financial burden he may have as a result of paying for my tertiary education. he's happy i got it, thats enough for me. mostly, the thought of me being paid alot just to study and suffer abit of regimentation is more than sufficient motivation to pull me through and do well. still, sometimes the bitterness just wouldn't leave. my grand dreams of studying in the uk ultimately failed to materialize.

then again. what are my plans compared to the will of God. if He wills it this way, theres no way anything else is going to happen. so someday, one day, i'm hoping i'll be in total peace with His decision to see me study in australia.

that aside, i have suppressed something for far too long. i can't seem to get it out of my chest. time, space and circumstances were never in my favour. why why why? i'm afraid of so many things. the ghost of previous encounters come ahaunting. it's so obvious yet not obvious enough, ah who am i kidding.

__

john is posted to mindef starting next monday. goodbye aftc.