9 weeks
a substantial 9 weeks. so significant and so independent.
it means alot of things these 9 weeks. for one, i've learnt life doesn't go according to plan. or my plan at least.
my dreams of becoming a pilot are now clouded by the availability of scholarships. my dad is pressing me to only go for scholarships, because my condemned life may begin the moment i sign on the dotted line without securing a scholarship.
i've been feeling unsure, because now i only have dad to seek guidance from. i want to follow my heart, but that is so much easier said than done. my dad will have his opinions, and that on its own ties me down. and insecurity isn't the only thing i'm troubled with.
i've tried to put my heart somewhere that isn't marred by invariables. unfortunately that hasn't turned out well too. sometimes i can't read your mind, and things become so unpredictable i don't know what to do. a good part of me wants to give up this pursuit. the other wilful part is just clinging on for dear life, hoping fate decides to interfere. i can see myself clinging on, because i want to. this heart is set on it, even though logic defies it. time isn't on my side too.
anyway God has been kind to me during my 9 weeks in ocs. i haven't suffered injuries, exhaustion and what not. i've got fantastic instructors and platoon mates i couldn't ask for more. sure, ocs is tough, delta wing is tougher, but i'm more than a quitter so i'll persevere.
tomorrow bestie is going back to boston for summer semester. so incidentally, rachel is leaving for her backpacking trip next friday. so my only chance to see both for the last time in a long time would be tomorrow. suddenly, tomorrow seems so short. i'm sad really, as much as rachel tries to convince me not to be. it just happens like that, how can emotions be explained? separation is never a happy event.
5 more weeks to the end of my service term. by then, i may have decided to move on, or i could be moving to the air force as a regular. God will provide and i'll leave it to him.
it means alot of things these 9 weeks. for one, i've learnt life doesn't go according to plan. or my plan at least.
my dreams of becoming a pilot are now clouded by the availability of scholarships. my dad is pressing me to only go for scholarships, because my condemned life may begin the moment i sign on the dotted line without securing a scholarship.
i've been feeling unsure, because now i only have dad to seek guidance from. i want to follow my heart, but that is so much easier said than done. my dad will have his opinions, and that on its own ties me down. and insecurity isn't the only thing i'm troubled with.
i've tried to put my heart somewhere that isn't marred by invariables. unfortunately that hasn't turned out well too. sometimes i can't read your mind, and things become so unpredictable i don't know what to do. a good part of me wants to give up this pursuit. the other wilful part is just clinging on for dear life, hoping fate decides to interfere. i can see myself clinging on, because i want to. this heart is set on it, even though logic defies it. time isn't on my side too.
anyway God has been kind to me during my 9 weeks in ocs. i haven't suffered injuries, exhaustion and what not. i've got fantastic instructors and platoon mates i couldn't ask for more. sure, ocs is tough, delta wing is tougher, but i'm more than a quitter so i'll persevere.
tomorrow bestie is going back to boston for summer semester. so incidentally, rachel is leaving for her backpacking trip next friday. so my only chance to see both for the last time in a long time would be tomorrow. suddenly, tomorrow seems so short. i'm sad really, as much as rachel tries to convince me not to be. it just happens like that, how can emotions be explained? separation is never a happy event.
5 more weeks to the end of my service term. by then, i may have decided to move on, or i could be moving to the air force as a regular. God will provide and i'll leave it to him.
posted by John at
10:44 PM
2 Comments
