revised aim for mid years:
econs 6
chem 6
math 4
physics 6
english 4
chinese 7
total 33

there's just not enough time to brush up my math now. so i'll just aim to pass. english is unpredictable as usual so i'll be optimistic. theres just too much i missed out this year to aim for 7s at the moment.

:/

on top of that my cas progress is not good. ok last post until the friday after the next.

TRUST in the Lord!

i've fallen down but i'll rise above this, rise above this

top ten need to do list according to priority:

1) finish my cas file, tok, world lit
2) chiong finish physics
3) chiong finish chem
4) chiong finish math
5) chiong finish econs
6) try to do english
7) try to reach my target of 36 for mid years
8) buy new earphones
9) get a new guitar effects pedal
10) ipod?

predicted grade for midyears (current standard)
econs - 4
chem - 5
physics - 6
math - 2
english - 3
chinese - 7
grand total - 27

target grade for midyears (by sunday midnight)
econs - 6
chem - 6
physics - 7
math - 5
english - 5
chinese - 7
grand total - 36

GOGOGOO!


andand my brother has to stop watching naruto and playing dota on the other comp while i'm working!! die temptations!

i will carry a cross and a song where i don't belong

top five favourite euro goals so far:

5) quaresma's tap in against the czech republic. oh my, 3 portugal players were played onside. and the best thing was ronaldo's unselfishness! for one i thought he'll go for it himself. oh and ronaldo's goal was nice too.

4) david villa's 2nd and 3rd against russia. i sure don't mind him coming to arsenal man. he already said he admires arsenal, wenger should just splash the big money. andand cesc should start for spain.

3) wesley sjneider against italy! to beat buffon like that is just pro.

2) podolski's 2nd goal against poland. heh, he sure showed klose how to smash a ball.

1) ibrahimovic's thunder smash against sweden, after a one-two with, um i can't remember who. pure skill, and it looks really nice too.

ONE MORE WEEK PLUS 3 DAYS TO THE END OF HOLIDAYS. my goodness, i'm starting to feel the pressure.

i realised the pairing of torres and villa is imbalanced.

i'm happy, so happy :D oh and i loved kungfu panda.

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haha yea, i'm mighty bored. HEH.

what can wash away my sin?
nothing but the blood of jesus.

nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard

i think i've discovered why i have drifted off tangent. i'm missing the anchor that once held mr john together. i have allowed myself to become a half-atheist for say 5 months now. over retreat i realised that hey, my decline in drive coincides perfectly with my decline in faith. i haven't really thought of it that way but during retreat it became pretty obvious. all of a sudden, i was in touch again. no wonder i always lacked strength, i had thrown the master of me into the backseat, and with no one to guide me i had become a lost sheep.

yesterday, i made a commitment: to once again believe in the one true owner of me. it made all the difference, i feel revitalized like a rush of blood to the head. even though i have a damn headache now, i think i'll feel so alive once it subsides. i feel happy again, like a genuine sense of happy. it's indescribable, the nature of this elation. how much i wanted to go to church today, but sickness bound me to my bed. i prayed! a genuine prayer (in such a long time) for strength.

i think i made the right decision to go to retreat. more so, i believe it was the holy spirit that guided me there.

and it's so amazing come to think of it, how my maker planted people beside me to cheer me on. people that make me smile and make me want to find that drive in life, instead of being a total bum :) heh a part of me wished retreat was longer. although sometimes things were awkward, fortunately my dilemma didn't turn up to haunt me. i wrote a 2 side letter yesterday night, but i just could not bring myself to deliver it so i ended up tearing it up and writing a new one. i think i'm being retarded.

right now, someone has my fourskin. that sounds strangely obscene heh. you know, i would have loved to stay up all night til dawn with you, doing nothing but stone. haha, but rules are rules. and, i'd do anything for a priceless replay of you being totally more gross than me :)

I <3 JESUS, this time i'm being totally honest :D

'Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.'
John 14:6

cover me

today's another perfect day wasted, well not entirely, but almost.

at least i sorted out what i'm going to do over the next 3 weeks. one thing on my mind now, to go or not to go for youth retreat. well whether it would jeapordize my study time is one thing, because i actually think it'll be better for my studies since i won't be distracted by the computer. it's something else. well i guess i always shirk resposibility or avoid the problem when it gets too intense, whether it's with work or emotions. and that's problematic itself.

i read a letter on sunday, yesterday. and i realised i have been quite selfish. i want to tell you the truth but i haven't quite mustered the courage to. my first instinctive move was to avoid it totally, and what a jerk i realised i was. it didn't quite work the way i thought it would end up because i forgot that i'm not the only human being involved. i put myself in your shoe and i think i was overboard and you probably thought i was going through a crisis or something, but the truth is i'm not. and now, i'm going to stop being selfish and try to mend what has broken, in a non-cowardice way.

a moment ago, i was about to send kwan an sms to tell him that i wanted to go for retreat. then, i thought of the circumstances and situation and i hesitated. promptly followed by clearing the message and telling superrecaller i hesitated. oh my.

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last week, i was talking to longlong (haha, or loooooooooong) about crushes and relationships. haha, and it's quite obvious someone is madly infatuated. i can remember the last time i was madly infatuated, and i don't want to talk about it hah. i don't know why, i used to want so much to be in a relationship. like its quite cool to have another half, and the status of being attached is so prestigious in a way. well at least that was what i thought. right now, i'm not so sure anymore. theres just so much more to a relationship, and i don't want to rush right into one. ya there you go, my take.

talking to chloe just now made me realise i'm heading into oblivion with my relationship with ____. i don't know i think i'm just not ready. and obviously laziness and indifference is such an irritant with respect to this :/ at least i know one thing now, there are people i can confide in. actually i always had, it was always a question of whether i wanted to open up anot. and sometimes it really is hard to tell someone about your problems, because being vulnerable is so not easy.

anyway, according to superrecaller i need to find drive in life. like something that will keep me going everytime i think of it. yea i need that really, i just need to discover what and who. no doubt thats going to take some brainstorming.

to go or not?